LOVE? REALLY?

Day one of stop kidding myself. Seriously, I can't imagine putting myself through all of that again. Not that it was a waste of time by any means. Learned quite a bit about myself over the past year. Learned a lot about who and how I could be in a relationship. At least I think I did. But that moment for energy wasting is over. Will be a long time before that ever happens again. Still yet the blame rests squarely and solely on me. But it's good to be given a chance to exit now before making a complete ass of myself. Not that in some measure I don't feel like I already have. Just not again.

Just my two cents.....

Jah Courtney

Penny for My Thoughts

Was just thinking to myself early this morning that for all of what it's worth, everything that I've ever wanted, ever needed in a woman, was fashioned, in the infinite wisdom of the universe, into the likes of you. Think I've mentioned to you once before that it felt as though I've waited my entire life to meet you. And if I have to wait another lifetime to be with you the way we've envisioned, I pray that God favours me with the strength, wisdom and patience to seek out the serenity that you represent in my life. I love you now and want to always and forever and a day.

Just my two cents....

Finding Real Love Ain't Easy

It's true, finding a real true love isn't easy. These days I guess you can scour the internet, though the traditional ways of meeting people still work. For me, I wasn't really looking when I met her. I was sort of just doing that flirtatious, cock in the hen house thing. But damn if the minute I met her I didn't know right away. Weird you might think. But the only thing strange to me was that it felt like for the first time in my life, I was present in the moment. Imagine a life of dealing with woman and never really feeling like you were involved in the day to day reality of that union. I mean of course I was around physically, but I never made myself emotionally or spiritually available to any of those woman before her.

She asked me once, "What is so special bout me?" I was surprised that it wasn't as clear to her as it was to me. Her spirit contained the breath of new life. I say that because I have never heard more people say to me since meeting her, just how much more human and I assume humane I seemed these last few months. Damn, that's bad. I mean, I thought I might have been a prick at times, and I know that's nothing to be proud of. But to not even seem human. To have no memorable qualities outside of a functional flesh bot. That's just sad.

Well anyway, to not get too long winded, I guess plenty of people, including myself, tend to write about love and the subject of love and relationships after the fact. So here we are. I think the only time I've ever felt this crappy after a break up was when I was a kid and felt unwanted. Yes it turns out that as a man I do actually have feelings, even if I tend to not let them rise to the surface. Still in a bit of a funk cause I really still do care about her. Been told it was my fault and for the first time I'll accept that. Lot of firsts with her. And I am very thankful for all of it. But getting back, I feel a sense of emptiness that I've never understood before and probably disregarded oft times when an old girlfriend would tell me she felt the same. Yeah the days do go on and sure after a while things get easier. But I didn't ask for this. Truly not what I wanted.

Maybe God does have other plans for me. I mean I know in fact that God has other plans for me. Was only praying that whatever my future plans, she would have been part of them. Part of them in ways friends alone could never be. But again, I do thank God that he brought her into my life in the first. She made me feel loved in a way I have never known. It complimented Gods' love in perfect balance.

Just my two cents...

Jah Courtney

Sometimes you realize at the end of the day just how many lives you've touched, some with hugs others bruises. Not really sure what led me down this road, destroying relationships, damaging friendships. Not even sure I know how to make it up to those who entrusted me with their love and friendship. I do know that there is still a whole heap of love in this heart of mine. Took the love of a real good woman and a few close friends for me to see that I'm not the inhuman, non-emotional entity that I have been living like for far too long.

Just my two cents.....

Jah Courtney

The Revolution Must and Will Be Televised

Okay, so you by now no doubt have heard and/or seen what's going on around the world in Iran. The world has become a crazy place huh? The Soviet Union collapsing, Europe turning into a similar such union even if only monetarily(for now anyway), China becoming the world's sole financial superpower, a Black Man heading what has arguably been the most powerful nation in world history. Such things are for the pages of literature and yet it is our world right now.

Into this mix, we have one of the most hotly contested elections the world stage has had the pleasure of seeing for quite some time. Gore/Bush had it's own cache, but Iran is a pepperpot soup ready to boil over. Granted, there are always contested and/or disputed elections all over the globe all the time but none with as much seemingly significance as this latest Iranian fiasco.

Do the people have a right to protest? Well, yes if the constitution of Iran makes such allowances. Remember, democracy as a template aside, they are not the United States. They do have their own sovereign laws and rights.

Do the people have a legitimate argument? Maybe. The current President, for even if it is contested it was already called, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, was quite abrupt in his declaring victory. But is it so different from news bureaus calling elections for one candidate before all polls are tabulated?

Should we foment the anger and curry favour of either candidate? No. It is sometimes best to allow people to fend for themselves and give them the room and freedom to work things out amongst themselves. If Iran is to ever come out from what may or may not be an oppressive situation, having stewards at the helm who are familiar with the passion and techniques used to overcome such obstacles, is a dire necessity.

What is amazing to me though beyond all the above, is how far technology has allowed all of us to be so in tune with our brothers and sisters at every turn of the dial. Mind you it doesn't always translate into regard for or abhorrence for all peoples and situations but is has opened eyes that were once blind. imagine how little we would know of Darfur, or Iraq, or Guantanamo or Sri Lanka or Tibet, in the last few years without the "new media". I don't care for all applications because I feel we are way to saturated with non-human interaction but all the same it is most needed to to mediate the rocky road that the world seems so helplessly trapped on.

Also this type of movement in Iran, supported largely by the Internet and some notable websites, is remarkable. It seems as though no more will governments be able to completely hide the bold truths of peoples discontent. The brutality of the 60's in the US will never have a chance to rear its' ugly head again anywhere if people like the students in Iran are able to have their say. The brutality of colonialism and imperialism will never again be able to take root if we use this media and each other in a way that benefits not only our individual lives but that of our neighbor halfway around the world.

Maybe this world isn't ready for the type of change that appears to be bubbling up in Iran. Maybe the world wasn't really ready for a lot of things this year. But we must deal with what we are handed. If Iran is to be dealt with in a fair and just manner, we must allow her her moment to sort things out and resign ourselves to deal justly no matter the outcome.

On a side note, if a revolution does persist in Iran, who gets the credit? Bush or Obama?